What do you lose by being convenient?
It’s a question that sparked a deep and powerful conversation on Alignment Recess Live between myself and transformational speaker, Lauren Hayes.
We’re taught that ease is good. That women should be helpful, agreeable, flexible. That being low-maintenance is a virtue. That keeping the peace is maturity. But often, beneath that calm exterior is a woman who has silenced herself to be accepted. A woman performing safety. A woman slowly burning out from chronic self-abandonment. Most of us don’t realize how much it costs us to be convenient.
Lauren knows this intimately. Her story is a mirror for so many high-functioning women: the achievers, the givers, the strong friends. She shared how her survival patterns were shaped by early rejection and social conditioning—from navigating predominantly white spaces in high school to feeling the pressure to always be the likable, useful one. Over time, that role became her identity.
She began to notice that even in her adult life, those same survival patterns were running the show. She was still overextending. Still shape-shifting. Still shrinking to be digestible. Still performing for approval. And still feeling deeply unseen.
Until one day, she decided to stop being convenient.
Lauren's journey into radical self-leadership began with one hard, necessary truth: you cannot feel aligned while abandoning yourself. Her healing came not just through therapy, but through stillness. Through choosing to sit with herself in silence. Through surrendering the story of being the strong one. And through letting herself be held, too.
When Healing Feels Lonely
One of the most powerful parts of our conversation was the raw acknowledgment that healing is lonely. Not forever, but in the in-between. When you’re shedding your masks. When you’re saying no without explaining. When you’re no longer available for performative community. It can feel like a spiritual desert.
But it’s sacred. That loneliness is a sign you’re breaking the cycle.
So many women stay in misaligned dynamics because they fear isolation more than inauthenticity. But as Lauren reminds us, peace isn’t always quiet—it’s honest. And sometimes honesty costs you people who only liked the version of you that gave without boundaries.
This Is What Self-Abandonment Looks Like:
Saying yes when your body says no
Making yourself small so others feel big
Accepting crumbs because it feels safer than being alone
Confusing emotional availability with over-functioning
Mistaking your trauma response for a personality trait
In Entrepreneurship, This Can Show Up As:
Overdelivering for clients out of fear they’ll leave
Discounting offers because you’re afraid to be seen as "too much"
Prioritizing likability over leadership
Ignoring your body’s cues to rest because hustle feels familiar
Reclaiming the Real You
At the heart of this conversation was a call to return. To yourself. To the truth you buried under performance. To the you that success silenced.
Lauren shared a mantra that stayed with me long after our conversation ended:
"This version of me deserves to be seen."
It’s not just a mantra. It’s a reclamation.
Let it be yours, too.
Reflect & Integrate:
Where have you made yourself convenient in your relationships, business, or identity?
What version of you are you ready to reclaim?
What boundaries would honor your alignment?
If this resonated with you, there are two ways to go deeper:
Work with Lauren: Lauren Hayes is a transformational speaker, storyteller, entrepreneur and the voice behind The Upgrade with L guiding women through healing, identity reclamation, and radical self-respect. You can connect with her on Instagram @theupgradewithl, book a 1:1 or explore her 7-Day Guided Reset at theupgradewithl.com.
Book a 1:1 Alignment Session with Tiffany: If you’re navigating a season of identity shift or performance burnout in life and business, a personalized session will support you in recalibrating your energy, purpose, and strategy.
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